Freeing Forgiveness
Putting down the burdens we carry
During my time in Denver, I had the privilege of meeting Father Ubald Rugirangoga. Father Ubald grew up during the Rwandan Revolution and suffered through the horrors that came with the conflicts, including the murder of many of his family members. Not long after he was ordained a priest, the Rwandan Genocide of 1994 took the lives of hundreds of thousands of people, many of which were his parishioners and remaining family. He would spend the rest of his life and ministry tirelessly preaching peace, reconciliation, and forgiveness. During his visit, he led a healing service for us. At one point, he called up one of the seminarians and stood back-to-back with him. He then proceeded to lock his arms with the other guy, lift him up onto his back, and walk around with him. This was a sixty-some year-old man literally carrying a twenty-some year-old kid twice his size, shouting: “This is what unforgiveness looks like! Look at his feet! He is not doing anything! I am carrying everything! This is what unforgiveness looks like!”
Forgiveness is hard. It’s already painful to acknowledge a wound that has been inflicted on us, but to then face the one who hurt us? That’s an incredibly challenging place. When Jesus tells us in the Gospel today to tell another who has sinned against us their fault, He is addressing our tendency to avoid difficult conversations. He doesn’t want us to just overlook the faults of others, but He also doesn’t want us to enter into these dialogues seeking revenge. This is an invitation to reconciliation. Saint Augustine says that “our rebuke should be in love, not eager to wound, but anxious to amend.” However, even just the thought of starting conversations like these can be enough to make one sick to the stomach. But as long as unforgiveness remains, hatred and resentment have a firm foundation to wreak havoc in our hearts.
Saint Paul tells us: “Owe nothing to anyone, except to love one another.” Forgiveness is an act of love, because we are willing good for another. It doesn’t mean condoning the wrongs that have been done, nor does it mean becoming close friends with the person that hurt us. But it does mean choosing to unshackle ourselves from the hurt that continually tells us that we should always be angry about what happened or what was said. It means choosing to stop carrying the burden around on our backs all the time. It means being freed from the anger and hurt. And this is a daily choice. Some days, it’s easy. Other days, it may look more like praying for the grace to be able to forgive. But that desire is more than enough for God to work miracles in our souls. And if it culminates in having a hard conversation with that person, God will be there too.
-Br. Andrew
